The self help marriage insights contained on this page will help you to decide and to choose whether or not marriage is in your best interest. At this timing, perhaps you’re considering getting married and thus you're seeking marriage insights before committing to a long-term until death do us part marriage relationship.
Or maybe you’re looking for some marriage advice because you’re already married and are currently experiencing marital issues or challenges. Or you’re currently confused about your marriage and are thus considering separation or divorce, but you want to understand and contemplate the implications before deciding?
The information and insights offered on this self help marriage page can certainly help you, by offering clarity from someone who’s been through the experience of marriage and divorce. Bearing these insights in mind, you’ll be better prepared when making decisions that will affect your future happiness and perhaps the happiness of your children.
If your desire to become or remain married is for reasons other than to enhance the experience and sharing of love and friendship of both partners while feeling good. Then it’s probably a good idea to examine your thoughts and beliefs to see if fear is playing any part in your decision making.
Use these self help marriage insights to help you inquire within and examine why you even desire marriage. Perhaps you’ll be able to find out the real reasons and discover your underlying beliefs for wanting to enter into or to maintain marriage. If you’re thinking about committing to a marriage relationship or staying in an unhappy marriage union, then these self help marriage insights will help you to reach a greater and deeper understanding of the important subject of marriage.
Whatever we do we always have our own valid reasons for doing so. And because our
reasons are based upon our beliefs, it’s worth spending some time identifying our reasons. And through that action our beliefs will be brought to the surface. Once
surfaced, our beliefs can then be examined to see if they’re really serving us. Take
your time and consider if any of the statements below apply to you.
Contemplate you own reasons and add them to the above list.
Now, get in touch with your deepest feelings regarding these self help marriage reasons and beliefs. Get into a relaxed state by meditating or thinking less and then merely contemplate all of the statements you’ve identified within your mind. Be totally honest with yourself and notice how you really feel about them.
Your thoughts and beliefs concerning your reasons for desiring to get married or ending marriage are the cause of your feelings. How you feel about any given subject will not change, cannot change, unless and until you change your thoughts and beliefs about it.
Your happiness and the way you feel are absolutely the most important aspects of any relationship, period! Thus, if you’re not happy in your current marriage relationship or about any of the upcoming decisions concerning marriage that you must make, then an honest inquiry needs to be made.
Now, let’s consider the reasons for getting married or staying married, as listed earlier. And perhaps you can shed some light on the beliefs you may hold, which underpin your reasons for desiring marriage at this time. I’ll go through each of them and add insights that should provide some clarity for you to work with.
Consider those statements again and contemplate the insights given below.
Because of your children...
If parents don’t love each other and constantly fight, they’re outputting negative vibrations which are picked up by and may affect their children in detrimental ways.
Because you don’t want to be alone...
In the long run, it’s always better to be alone rather than staying with a partner you don’t really love. Loving self is of primary importance when attracting reciprocal love from another.
Because you’re being pressurized or controlled...
Where there is control there is fear. Love and fear cannot exist in the same space. Change your attitude or move beyond any relationship which contains the elements of control and fear.
Because you’re afraid of hurting another’s feelings...
It really is better to be seemingly cruel than to be kind. In truth, no one can hurt another’s feelings. How we respond to other people’s words and actions determines if we choose to feel hurt or not.
Because your family or friends say it’s for the best...
You know how you feel better than your family or friends. In fact, you’re the only one who knows your feelings. Ignore their advice and pay attention to your feelings. Always follow your gut.
Because you’re afraid of not finding a better partner...
Loving yourself is necessary before attracting love from another. Staying with someone whom you do not love is inauthentic living and will not bring you closer to your ideal soul mate.
Because you’re afraid of what someone else will think...
It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. How do you really know what anyone else is thinking anyway? How you think determines how you feel. Do your best to change your thoughts and attitude.
If you haven’t already done so, I highly recommend reading this self help relationship page as it will certainly remind you of the importance of being real, feeling good and loving self.
There's no need or reason whatsoever that anyone must get married or stay married. No, there's only the consideration of marriage as an option to enhance your life and for instance, to make things a bit easier legally. Sadly, in our world today there are many abusive relationships and toxic relationships. If you currently find yourself in one of these kinds of relationships or marriages, do what you can to seek change in your attitude or consider moving on.
Remember, the reflection in the Universal mirror of your life experience can only change if first you implement change by changing your beliefs and thinking different thoughts. Please realize that there's nothing that you must do, but I tell you this: where there are abusive relationships or toxic relationships, love is nowhere to be found!
Through these self help marriage insights I suggest that all the while you remain in an abusive or toxic relationship and/or marriage, you're failing to have and to experience a real spiritual relationship based on friendship, love, care, understanding and ecstasy.
And what kind of an example is it to your children, when two parents are constantly at war with each other and are emitting negative energy vibrations that are picked up by them on a regular basis?
Surely, it makes more sense and is much better for your children to know and to experience each loving parent separately and individually, without all of the pain, hurt and negativity attached.
If you’re confused or maybe you've never had a true loving relationship, please read 'The Prophet,' by Kahlil Gibran. The wisdom and love imparted by this book will bring tears to your eyes
You may wonder why I say the things I do. Or how come I’m qualified to
know and why am I offering advice on the subject of marriage? Well, by
typing: 'self help marriage' as a search query, many people are asking, so I'm answering.
In the past I was married to a woman (X) whom I didn’t love. I had never loved her and had not planned on having children. Prior to getting married we had lived together for 6 months or so. However, our relationship wasn’t working out and when 'X' told me she was leaving the island where I live, I was very pleased and relieved.
I was happy and felt great
As far as I was concerned our relationship was over. End of story. Until two weeks later when 'X' showed up at my house with her suitcase and a puppy which I’d bought for her birthday previously. She spun me a story (a blatant lie) about how her parents didn’t approve of her interracial relationship and so had disowned her.
I didn’t feel good about the situation, but I felt sorry for her
As I didn’t want to hurt her feelings I let her stay with me and even helped her to find employment. So, due to my feelings of guilt, by default, our relationship was back on. Nothing had changed. I still didn’t love her, but I maintained the relationship due to my guilt.
I didn’t feel good about the situation, but I allowed it to continue anyway
Within a month of her return 'X' denied being pregnant, well beyond the point of no return, even though it was obvious to me and everyone around her that she was with child. In fact she denied it until her seventh month of pregnancy and even then it was the hospital staff that confirmed her pregnancy to me and not 'X'.
I knew she had lied to me but I 'tried' to change my feelings towards her
That is to say, I dealt with the situation to the best of my ability at that time. However, things still didn’t improve between us. She didn’t love herself so she tried to fill her emptiness with her, apparent, love for me. And in those days I didn’t really love anyone, including myself, so I had nothing to offer her.
I was in denial, very confused, unhappy and felt bad
Our daughter was born outside of wedlock and seven months after her birth, 'X' used this fact as an excuse to force me into marriage. I guess she believed that marriage would solve the issue of me not loving her and would provide the security she desired. She wanted marriage due to fear.
I knew she was controlling me but I allowed it to happen anyway
I really didn’t care one way or the other. I knew that our relationship would not work out. Due my my beliefs at that time, I guess I agreed to marriage mainly for our daughter’s sake.
On one particular day, around five months after our wedding, when our daughter was one year old, 'X' woke me at four AM for the sole purpose of having an argument. During that argument my pain became unbearable so I forced her hand and demanded an immediate separation.
Two days later we got divorced and I began to feel much better
That was my marriage experience story that happened many years ago. And although it can be seen as a sad story, ironically, so many positive things came out of it that these days it’s inconceivable for me to call it bad in any way.
In thinking about how best to offer a solution to this self help marriage question, I was inspired to revisit my past to pull out examples of the beliefs and reasons people have. In doings so, you may be inspired to see these things in your life and thus avoid unnecessary pain and suffering.
That’s why I say the things I do and I guess that’s why I’m qualified in some way to know. And to share with you, through these self help marriage insights, some of the tricks and games of deceit and control that people enter into and play together.
If you have any children to consider, I recommend reading 'The Biology of Conscious Parenting,' by Dr. Bruce Lipton, for greater understanding and enlightenment on the subject of marriage.
If you really want to get to the bottom of this self help marriage question, it’s worth considering the original idea behind marriage. The idea of marriage and its associated legal documents was created by those who were living in fear and the idea and belief of it as an absolute necessity is maintained by those who are currently living in fear.
However, when inquiring into this self help marriage question, it’s worth realizing that ultimately there’s no such thing as right or wrong. Right and wrong are relative terms and always depend upon what it is you want to achieve in your life and whether or not it's serving you.
Please realize, that two people who both love themselves for who and what they are have a very high chance of staying together, regardless of any legal or religious agreements they may enter into.
Perhaps the only real considerations to this self help marriage question are: does it please you and inspire feelings of happiness to be married to the person whom you love the most? And does your partner reflect your own happiness back to you through your marriage relationship?
so, then this self help marriage insight suggests getting married or
staying married and through the sharing of love and your union of holy
matrimony, demonstrating your love for each other for the entire world
to see, many blessings.
To your finding a truly spiritual relationship, with love
Please submit your marriage story on this self help marriage page.
If submissions are too short or unclear, I'll reword them to make them easier for everyone to understand.
Don't worry about spelling or grammar as I'll fix that before publishing :)
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