Through this self help relationship shortcut I want to remind you of the importance of loving yourself. And while you may desire a loving relationship with a romantic partner or a soul mate, I ask you: if you don’t really love you for whom and what you are then do you really have anything to offer such a relationship?
From the moment of our birth into this physical environment, otherwise known as the start of our adventure in this game of life on Earth, until our exit from it, otherwise known as our physical death, the one relationship we can’t fail to have is the relationship with our self.
Whoever we are and wherever we go throughout our life, our self and our relationship to our self are our constant companions. When we take care of the relationship with our self then all other relationships fall into place and happiness, joy, peace and love become the natural order of our lives.
Bearing what's been said in mind, this self help relationship shortcut suggests that self love or loving yourself is of primary importance. Because it leads you to the fulfillment of all loving relationships that you seek, that you definitely deserve! Who we really are at the root of our being is love. The good news is that we can’t fail to be who we really are because it’s impossible not to be that which we actually are. Deep down we all love ourselves, we are love...
However, this self love is normally covered up and buried beneath layers of negative thinking and self-imposed, self-limiting and false beliefs. Due to our psychological past hurts and wounds we’ve created and imposed artificial barriers that we believe are necessary to protect our self. Thus, in order to rediscover self love and who you really are these artificial barriers must be naturally dissolved, first through the awareness of them and then by recognizing and changing the way you believe, feel, think, talk and act.
It’s not necessary to identify and chase down each of these self-limiting, negative or false beliefs one by one as they’ll become apparent to you as you move beyond egotistical thinking, and then reach for and practice self love. But what does self love really mean and which self help relationship advice should be considered, if any? One way of looking at the idea of self love is through negation or what it is not. In that way you'll have an opportunity to begin to observe for yourself what self love actually is.
This self help relationship shortcut suggests that self love is not:
this list of examples of what self love is not, perhaps you’ll begin to realize
for yourself what self love is. And with that awareness you’ll start becoming
more self-empowered and can begin to make positive changes to your
thinking. Whenever you catch yourself criticizing or condemning yourself, stop for a moment and take a couple of deep breaths all the way to your heart's center and slowly release.
Forget about the negative thought you just had about yourself and realize that unconditional love, by definition, also means total and complete forgiveness for whatever perceived wrong, in your own estimation, you’ve committed. So please, always forgive yourself no matter what! Realize that your true self or who you really are never thinks of you in that way, you always love you unconditionally at all times!
Not being consciously aware of the need for self love can lead to an apparent lack of energy in people. A lot of time and effort can be spent trying to repair relationships that either: don’t need fixing, are of an incompatible nature or are perhaps beyond any repair. And I ask you: would all of this effort be better spent inquiring into the true nature of one’s self? I believe that act alone would net many positive changes within the others in your life.
Nevertheless, all of this action in the form of control and trying to change the actions of another can lead to low levels of energy in people and it may even result in an apparent lack of self love. If you’re clear and have a direct open connection to the source of love most of the time then you may notice that some people, who’re disallowing the flow of love, kind of want to be near to you whenever you’re around.
The thing that those people haven’t yet realized or remembered is that each of us has a direct connection to an unlimited flow of love - after all it's who we really are. However, it’s each individual’s work to do their best to remember this and to feel better and better through the thinking of better and better feeling thoughts, in order to reach the state of well-being and love. Reaching the state of well-being and love naturally raises our vibration higher and higher and hence, our ability to connect with, receive and allow love to flow through us increases proportionately.
As we begin to feel better and better our feeling of love just gets stronger and stronger... Thus, no matter how you feel, in this moment, if you will do your best to think thoughts which feel better you’ll reach a higher state of vibration and you’ll feel even better. Just keep doing this and your vibrational frequency will continue to rise and your direct connection to love will remain open
Wherever you are and whoever you’re with can you be yourself, can you be real? Being your real self means meeting others without the mask. The mask which is an image of you, created by, sustained by and maintained by that part of you which lives in fear. Fear of what another may think about you. Fear that you are somehow less than they are. Or fear that they are somehow better than you are.
Further, can you meet another person without the image of them, also created by you? An image that you’ve put together from the memories of your past interactions and experiences with that other person and which you now maintain as real. Neither the mask nor the image represents the reality of who you really are and who they really are. Each person is in a constant state of flux or change, so how can a mask or an image, which are dead things, put together from fear or past memories represent our now reality and who we really are in this moment?
This self help relationship shortcut observes that when two people who are both wearing their masks meet and interact, there’s no real meeting, no real communication and hence no true understanding of another. They see you through the mental image they've created of you, and you see them through the mental image you’ve created of them. So here are two images, neither of them real, meeting and interacting. And I ask you: what kind of relationship is there between two fictional images made of past memories or fear?
Surely, for any real interaction, communication, understanding and meeting to take place, both the masks and the images must be dropped by all those taking part. Only then can the relationship to another be real! Many people whom I’ve discussed this subject with inform me that they want to drop their mask and be real all of the time. However, they’re afraid of the consequences to their business.
And I ask you: do you really want to do business with people who're hiding behind masks and seeing you through a dead image that they’ve created of you? And as for the consequences, through this self help relationship shortcut I remind you and confirm that the Universe always reflects back to you that which you’re being in any moment. Therefore, being real means you’ll meet and do business with other real people, guaranteed
The same applies to any romantic relationship you have. Whatever
perceived challenges and obstacles you may have as a couple, the best way to truly
begin to solve them is by bringing them into the open and discussing
them without any images and masks attached. That’s why this self help relationship shortcut advises to drop your mask and be real! The deeper level Reality Paradox section explores being real in greater depth.
Again, the best insight I can currently provide is to remind you that through the idea of negation you might see and understand what love is. I could tell you that love is this or love is that and you’d have a label, which is a placeholder for your rational mind to hook onto but that’s not what love is!
You see, our rational mind likes to compartmentalize and put things into boxes. However, when it comes to love, spirit and greater truth, our mind struggles with trying to contain something that’s bigger than any box that can ever be created! For more clarification of the subjects revealed by this self help relationship shortcut, I highly recommend reading a fantastic book called "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle.
The wise have always known that love can never be captured, held or owned by the logical and rational mind, with its labels and images. Because the moment our rational mind grasps for and tries to capture love, by labeling it as this or that, then love is no more and it will never return in that form.
Click this image to get a FREE PDF article entitled "Observation of Love" in which I do my best to outline a perspective of Love. Once the new window has opened up you can read the article or save the file to your computer. Enjoy.
Finally in closing, know that when you truly love yourself, it doesn’t matter where you are or who you are with or even if you are alone, you are always at peace with yourself.
To you finding the love that is your self
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