Self Help Relationships – How to Solve My Boyfriend’s Ego Problems?
An Ideally Harmonious Couple
A Self Help Relationships Question.
I’ve been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for 4.5 years now. During this period, one Valentine’s Day, one of my male friends proposed that I marry him. He knew about my relationship status and yet he still proposed to me. And that was 3 years ago.
Upon knowing about the marriage proposal my boyfriend got angry with both me and my friend and now he hates my friend. My friend and I were not on talking terms for quite a while, just because my boyfriend doesn't like him. He simply doesn't like him.
Now, after 4 years my friend has realized his mistake and he feels that he was a fool to propose to me, and we have sorted it out between us. Now, the scene is that I tried to bring this topic in front of my boyfriend. But he still has hatred for my friend. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose a friend. Please help!
Thanks for asking this question on self help relationships.
From what you say it seems fairly obvious that your friend realizes his mistake regarding the marriage proposal he made to you previously. And it seems as though you don’t have romantic feelings towards your friend, and so both of you have moved on and left the past where it belongs, in the past.
It seems pretty obvious to me that if you’re willing to consider losing a good friend in order to save your relationship then you must love your boyfriend a lot. It’s a pity that your boyfriend cannot see this as well. However, the idea of hanging on to the past, revenge, envy and jealousy are all indicative of ego action in the form of control and negative expression.
The difficulty of your challenge lies in the, perhaps obvious, truth that one cannot directly confront someone who’s controlled by and is thus projecting ideas from their negative-ego. You see, a part of the nature of negative-ego is in always being right, hence your boyfriend probably feels justified in hating and shunning your friend, even though he’s hurting you at the same time.
Any action you take in the direction of helping your boyfriend to see and then change his current unconscious behavior must be extremely subtle!
Therefore, if I may suggest perhaps one way of helping your boyfriend in a subtle way is to buy him a gift in the form of a book entitled "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Explain that you simply felt inspired to get this book for him. In my view, this is one of the best and easiest to understand books on the nature and structure of the ego-self or personality structure of the physical mind.
Finally, please remember that although you can certainly offer a reflection to your boyfriend of an ego-free rational state of being, do realize that it’s not your responsibility to force him or insist that he must see through the action of his negative-ego. That is to say, you are always 100% free to show him the door, but ultimately only he can decide and choose to walk through it!
I sincerely wish you all the best with the challenge you’re facing and it would be great to hear from you on how it turned out via a comment to this Q & A ♥