Self Help Relationships Question: Which Tools May Help Me to
Subdue My Ego?

by Anonymous
(Florida)

Knowledge and Ego

A Self Help Relationships Question.

Help! My ego is haunting me :(

I am in the process of rereading ‘The Power of Now’ and ‘A New Earth,’ by Eckhart Tolle. I read both of them a few years ago and picked them up again recently. The first time I read them I was single and now I am in a relationship. My awareness of my ego is VERY different now.

My ego is extremely active, cutting and biting. It manifests as judgments towards others or the projection of others' judgments of me. It is so painful to experience because it is not who I really am. I am very conscious of its presence and I try very hard not to show any outer reaction to what is happening in my inner world.

By doing this, after spending any amount of time with my boyfriend, I am completely exhausted because I have been trying so hard to "pretend" that this is not happening inside of me. The only reprieve I have is being alone. I know one of the "goals" of the ego is separation. This is really happening for me, a physical separation, because it is not active when I am alone.

Do you have any insight or tools that may help?

Thank you,

Anonymous

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for asking this question on the personal self help page. As it’s concerning ego I moved it to this self help relationships page.

The fact that you’ve read both of those books and are reading them again indicates that you’ve already begun your journey of self-awakening. And thus, it’s only a matter of time until you move past your current, somewhat limited state in which your ego still has some control of your life, and into a state of true self-empowerment. Congratulations :)

I suggest you use the mind tools that I’ll outline below, in order to assist you to get a firmer grip on some of the unconscious action taking place within your mind.

The first tool is a mantra. When you’re with your boyfriend, silently repeat a mantra to yourself. This will help you to remain neutral, rather than to become negative regarding any involuntary negative thoughts that arise in your mind.

The two mantras I’ve used are:

I Love You – I’m Sorry – Please Forgive Me - Thank You

This mantra will help to keep you more focused in a positive state, rather than in a state of anger.

Notice Me – I’m Always There – Every When – Every Where

This mantra will help you to stay focused in the NOW moment, rather than in the past or future.

Any mantra you feel attracted to will work just as well as the two indicated above. Negative thoughts that arise within your mind will either be concerning the past or the future. And by definition, these thoughts might contain anger or anxiety, which are forms of fear. When you pay mental and emotional attention to these kinds of thoughts you risk slipping into a depressed state of not feeling good.

With practice, you’ll find that you’ll be able to continually and silently repeat a mantra to yourself at the same time as interacting with others, so you’ll be able to enjoy the time with your boyfriend.

The second tool is identifying and redefining your beliefs. When you’re alone, begin contemplating the kinds of thoughts that arise when you’re together with your boyfriend. Realize that you cannot have a thought and/or an emotion about anything, unless you also have a corresponding belief about that subject. Remember that thoughts and emotions do not exist independent of your beliefs.

So your work is to identify which belief you hold that’s prompting negative thoughts in your mind. Once you’ve identified the belief, ask yourself:

Is this belief really true?
Is this belief really serving me?
Do I really believe that?

In that way you’ll be in a state of self-empowerment and then you can easily redefine the negative belief into a positive preferred belief. Do this process with all of the negative beliefs you find, until you’ve redefined them into beliefs you prefer. Once you’ve done this work, your ego will no longer interfere with your mind as you’ll be in a clear, positive, happy state.

To recap then, the first tool is using a mantra to help you to remain neutral. Consider it as a kind of band aid to use until you’ve completed the second tool and have actually redefined your belief(s), which are the root cause of your negative thoughts and emotions.

Wishing you every happiness and success ♥